New Hampshire, home of the libertarian-minded Free State Project, ended Ron Paul’s slim hopes of a meaningful Presidential bid in a lopsided 2012 Republican primary result yesterday. Mitt Romney’s hair was declared the winner by a nearly 2:1 margin over Ron Paul in a widely expected and wholly unsurprising victory. Muffled by an overabundance of product, Mitt’s hair was unavailable for comment.

An unreliable source believes Ron Paul to have said, “Yeah well, Newt can just bite me cause I trounced him back into the swamp of irrelevance from which he came. Booya!” He then explained how Americans are confused about what conservatism actually is and both upset & frustrated that he didn’t win.

Rick Perry strongly denies the rumor claiming that he believes he can still win.

Image by Jayel Aheram via Flickr